Day 53

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Amongst many other things, this project has been greatly illustrative of the connection between sleep, giving, the meaning of “my ability to create” and the simplicity of gratitude. My gratitude journal and #100daysofgratitude have always been about taking inventory of the daily banalities we take for granted while being open to the possibility of connecting to something deeper and sharing it. By no means did I ever intend to operate with the necessity to create something and yet here I am, struggling with the idea that something doesn’t seem “worth being grateful for”. As I’ve alluded to in previous posts, this project is incredibly personal – in sharing daily, I reach into crevices of vulnerability I’ve never shared outside of my immediate circle. On top of that, it has been an intense month and in the throes of perpetual exhaustion, I made the choice to give myself a break. So I did. And I’ve been lucky to spend the last few days recharging with family, writing letters, sleeping and nurturing relationships close to me. I fall prey to the unhealthy pitfalls of comparison daily – I hold myself accountable to other people’s creativity while simultaneously holding up a mirror and being critical of my own work. Today I’m grateful for the recognition that is turning inwards and relinquishing anxiety for not creating (“omg I’m 5 days over”) while recognizing the emptiness of my own vessel of realization. Some days, the mundane things are the ones that elicit the most realization. So here is a picture of sunlight sandwiched between a sweet smelling jasmine wall I passed by the other day. I stopped to inhale, I watched the bougainvillea trail its way through, I thought of Kim and Kanye’s ridiculous flower wall and then I decided I’d capture this picture to remind me of the light that is always pushing past the superficial indicators of beauty; the light that pushes us to move forward and forgive ourselves. It’s a grind out there. Take time to be with yourself, however that may look, so that you can truly be there for others. Mindfulness is important and thrown around a lot but self-compassion can sometimes be the immediate precursor.

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